Dividing house and debts in divorce in Virginia: what to do

If you are in danger, call 911. For safety planning, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

Why: Safety comes first, and an advocate can help you plan before you contact your spouse or the court.

If you need to stay in the home safely, ask the court or a domestic violence advocate whether a protective order in your state can include who stays in the home. See the protective order card.

Why: Safety comes before dividing property, and the property case can continue later.

Find out whether your state uses community property or equitable distribution, and how it treats property owned before the marriage, gifts and inheritances.

Why: The system sets the starting point for everything that follows.

Make a list of everything you own and owe: house, cars, bank and retirement accounts, credit cards, loans, medical and tax debts. For each, note whose name is on it and when it was acquired.

Why: You can't divide what isn't listed, and most courts require a full financial disclosure.

Get your free credit reports at AnnualCreditReport.com to find every account in your name, including joint cards you forgot.

Why: Joint accounts stay joint after the divorce unless they are closed, paid off or refinanced.

Collect proof for anything you say is separate property (statements from before the marriage, gift letters, inheritance papers).

Why: Separate property can lose that status if it was mixed with marital money and you can't trace it.

Don't hide, move, sell or run up debt on marital property while the case is open.

Why: Some states put automatic orders on both spouses once a divorce is filed (in California they are printed on the summons, form FL-110); check your papers. Judges can also take this into account when splitting property.

Compare the main options for the house: sell it and split what is left after the loan; one spouse keeps it and buys the other out, usually by refinancing into their own name; or keep owning it together until a set date (for example, when the youngest child finishes school).

Why: Each option has different costs, tax effects and risks for the person whose name stays on the loan.

If one spouse keeps the house, know that signing a deed (such as a quitclaim deed) only transfers ownership. It does not take the other spouse off the mortgage; only a refinance or a written release from the lender does.

Why: The lender still can collect from anyone who signed the loan.

If you keep the house and want to keep the existing loan, tell the servicer you got the home in the divorce and ask about taking over the loan.

Why: Federal law bars lenders from calling the loan due just because a spouse gets the home in a divorce (for homes with 1-4 units), and CFPB rules don't require a new ability-to-repay check to take over the loan.

For joint debts, plan to pay them off, close joint credit cards to new charges, refinance car loans into one name, and remove authorized users.

Why: If the decree says your ex pays a joint debt and they don't, the creditor can still come to you.

Get statements for every retirement account and ask each plan what order it needs to divide the account: a QDRO for most employer plans, a special order for federal retirement (from OPM), and military retired pay under federal law.

Why: The divorce decree alone doesn't make a plan pay the other spouse.

If you agree, write a detailed settlement: who gets each item, who pays each debt, deadlines to refinance or sell, and what happens if someone doesn't follow it. Have legal aid review it before you sign.

Why: A vague agreement is hard to enforce later.

Know the main tax rules: transfers between spouses as part of a divorce generally have no gain or loss; a traditional IRA moved to a spouse under the decree is tax-free if done correctly; and a home sale after divorce has special rules for the capital gains exclusion.

Why: Doing a transfer the wrong way (for example, cashing out instead of a direct transfer) can trigger taxes and penalties.

After the decree, finish the paperwork: record the deed, refinance or sell by the deadline, send the signed QDRO to the plan, close or retitle accounts, and update beneficiaries and insurance.

Why: Titles, loans and beneficiary forms don't change by themselves.

If one of you was married to the other for 10 years or more, check whether you can claim Social Security benefits on your ex-spouse's record later.

Why: Social Security has its own rule for divorced spouses based on a marriage of at least 10 years.

If your ex doesn't refinance, sign the deed, pay assigned debts or sign the QDRO, see the card on an ex not following the divorce decree.

Why: The court that made the decree can enforce it.

If you can't agree, each of you will usually need values for the house and other big items (appraisals, account statements). Ask the court about mediation.

Why: Without an agreement, the judge decides from the evidence each side brings.